Men and the Mother Wound | HuffPost
Mother's Day doesn't just hurt for unloved daughters but for unloved sons as well. and replicating the bond in other relationships—other lasting effects appear " The men I have seen clinically have all the same issues as the daughters do. Want to know how to build healthy mother-son relationship? Read this post to know how it evolves & its problems. Don't believe in male stereotypes: Boys raised by mothers don't believe in being tough always or fighting to. And a lot of times, the mother son relationship has a huge effect on the marriage, to the This causes huge problems with his girlfriend/wife.
For example, maybe the guy's dad left when he was just a little boy, and he was all his mother had. Or maybe his father died, and the man has always felt sad for his mom and tried to compensate for his dad not being there.
Maybe the guy's dad treated his mom like crap and the guy feels like he needs to pick up the slack. While all of these scenarios are heartfelt and while I can understand a guy's need to treat his mother like gold, there are differences between healthy and unhealthy mother son relationships.
Adult Sons of Controlling Mothers: Toxic Relationship Effects - Exploring your mind
The son always feels obligated to see his mom and put her first in front of his plans. In other words, he will drop anything if she calls because he feels some kind of guilt. The son WANTS to see his mother, and if she happens to call and ask to get together when he already has plans -- say a date, he tells her he will instead meet her for breakfast the next morning.
When he meets her, he might bring her flowers or just give her a huge hug and say, "Mom, I know you already know this, but I really really love you a lot. The guy always fears that his mother will be angry with him or not speak to him if he disappoints her and doesn't do everything she asks.
Adult Sons of Controlling Mothers: Toxic Relationship Effects
A wife or girlfriend will get frustrated by this and it will surely cause tension in their relationship. The guy doesn't fear the person who is supposed to love him unconditionally, and who understands that there is no son in history who didn't disappoint his mother at one time or another during a lifetime.
- Men and the Mother Wound
Instead, if he has to say or do something he knows will upset his mother, he sucks it up and is honest about it because he knows his mother will eventually get over it.
The guy who fears his mother tends to resent her but won't even let himself realize that. That emotion then turns into annoyance with her, which then turns into his guilt for feeling annoyed by his own mother.
A guy who has a great relationship with his mother gets joy out of seeing her EVERY time they get together. He cherishes the time, they laugh together, maybe reminisce and have heartfelt talks.
Men and Their Mommies:How the Mother Son Relationship Can Contribute to Divorce
I'm a mom, and when my son grows up, meets a woman, brings her home and marries her, I am really going to try to understand that he is madly in love with her, and that he will put her above me a lot of times. And that is how it should be!Men Only - Mommy Issues
The text focuses on the idea of masculinity and femininity, ascribing the definitions of each to the roles the genders carry in intimate relationships.
Masculinity is inherited from fathers or mentoring adult men and is used to combat the smothering characteristics of femininity that mothers or mentoring adult women project onto their sons.
Thus, in the struggle for independence and manhood, sons, or Heroes, must confront the femininity inherited from mothers with their innate and acquired masculinities, and ultimately learn a new balance of femininity incorporated from lovers. The role of mother, the book suggests, is to prevent the boy from turning into a man and the role of father is to help the boy challenge his mother and become a man.
To endorse the ideas presented, Gurian draws from modern figures in psychoanalysis and attachment theories, as well as examples pulled from mythology, religion, modern anthropological studies, and art. In fact, much of the second part of the text is written as if the reader were an active character in Greek mythology.
At its core, it seems that the goal of this book is to help men better understand the balance of masculinity and femininity and purposefully redefine their identities as men.
Overall, the text accomplishes this goal, and uses the mother-son relationship to achieve this. It is suggested that readers of the text are able to redefine themselves and their relationships by studying the dynamics they had with their mother figures; by adjusting the attachment, whether actually doing it or just conceptualizing the process, the reader is in fact tuning himself.
However, the text focuses extensively on problems within the relationship of mother and son and emphasizes the negative effects of neglectful father figures. Almost ignored are the assessment of strengths and weaknesses of an individual, genetics, innate personalities, and the assets within mother-son relationships.
While scripting meditation, communication, and journaling exercises, these center on the past in order to change the future and often neglect present strengths. However, it is imperative to reinforce that the text stems from a psychoanalytic juxtaposition.